When couples with children divorce or separate, family matters can be difficult to address. Parents often find the idea of losing time with their children to be very difficult to accept. They may end up fighting intensely over custody matters. If they can’t agree, then the courts must follow a specific approach to address their disputes about parental rights and responsibilities.
Parents who learn about how the courts handle custody matters are in a better position to negotiate an out-of-court settlement and to keep things as amicable as possible when they share custody. What do parents need to understand to effectively settle custody matters?
The children’s best interests are the top concern
If a family law judge must rule on a custody dispute in New Jersey or New York, the focus is always on the needs of the children rather than on the rights of the parents. The law compels a judge to consider the children’s best interests in all matters regarding parenting time and authority. Parents typically have to find ways to work together or to at least accept the reality of shared custody.
Without compelling evidence of dangerous circumstances involving criminal activity, domestic violence, substance abuse or neglect, a judge is unlikely to award one parent sole custody while cutting the other out of the lives of the children. Parents who develop their custody cases by focusing on what is best for the children can often achieve better outcomes than those who simply attempt to assert their rights as parents in family court.
Details help keep the peace
All too often, parents focus primarily on establishing an overall breakdown of parenting time and ignore other key aspects of an effective parenting plan or custody order. For example, they need to address holidays, birthdays and similar special events.
Many parents find that an alternating schedule where the children spend every other holiday with each parent is the most appropriate solution. The parents can have every other holiday with the children annually and can enjoy each holiday with the children every other year. These arrangements prevent holidays from becoming a source of predictable scheduling conflicts.
Parents may also need to discuss matters related to discipline, education and technology. Consistent rules and curfews, as well as shared expectations for the children, can help them adjust to life when their parents share custody. More detailed parenting plans create better structure for the family and limit future opportunities for conflict.
Employing a pragmatic approach to child custody negotiations can help people arrive at terms that are fair and workable for their family. Parents who understand the basics of the law and who focus on the big picture may be less likely to regret their custody terms or end up litigating about them in the future.